I just read a good article by Bonnie Goldstein, who says that "many couples find their rhythms suddenly disrupted and the dynamics of their relationship radically altered when the last child leaves the house — or one of them accepts a buyout or starts working from home. Decades of relating to each other as co-parents or working around career schedules abruptly shifts, and suddenly they fall out of step in their well-rehearsed, tuneless dance. . . . Whatever the reason, when couples go from spending just a few hours together to nearly the entire day, they must improvise a fresh script for act three. They need to establish new boundaries, cultivate a reinvented vocabulary, (and) learn to adjust priorities."
It's a thought-provoking article filled with things to think about, including the following tips for working through conflict.
Sherven and Sniechowski's 9 Steps to Working Through Marital Conflict
- Define the issue by truthfully expressing what is disturbing you in as much detail as possible.
- Feel your feelings and communicate them as honestly and openly as you can in the moment.
- Remember that you care and that ongoing relationships are a mosaic composed of many facets. There’s more to your partner and your relationship than any single issue.
- Beware of self-sabotage by noticing what’s going on inside you during the rough patches. Don’t allow old negative behavior patterns intrude on the present moment.
- Be willing to change your mind and acknowledge that any issue can be understood and interpreted in a variety of ways.
- Take personal responsibility by asking yourself how you’re contributing to an upsetting situation (i.e., it takes two to tangle).
- Remember that your partner is not you and find ways to empathize with the other’s point of view.
- Be consciously creative by holding the other in your consciousness as you want to be held.
- Seek “both/and” solutions that work for both of you two different people.
