Revisiting and Revising Our Memories

I was recently sorting some photographs and came across this picture of my parents, taken in 1999. For years I had felt only sadness when I looked at this photograph, as it was taken just a few days before we put my father into longterm care due to dementia-related problems. We all knew what was going to happen that week, all of us with the exception of Dad, that is. So, in spite of the fact that it is a lovely picture of two happy people, all that I could feel was the sadness of knowing that everything was soon going to change for Dad and for all of us.

A few years ago, I decided to put this photo on my fridge door. Each time I noticed it, I chose to look at the warm smile on my father’s face, the laughter on my mother’s, and the closeness between the two of them.  

That’s what I now see, and I love this photo.

Sometimes it just feels better when we rethink and revise our memories, choosing to focus on the positive elements. We are not forgetting the other feelings; we are simply making a conscious choice about what we are going to see first, what we wish to highlight, and what we chose to place in the shadows.