There are, indeed, huge challenges that face us as our parents age. We help them downsize as they move to a smaller home, provide more assistance with daily tasks, accompany them to medical appointments, and become alert to changes in their mental, emotional and physical health. Sometimes it feels like a huge burden. But other times, it feels like an opportunity to share a part of our parents' life in a new way.
It might help from time to time, to try to think of this time as a gift to our parents, in thanks for all that they did for us throughout our life. It is also a gift from then to us, a gift of a little more time, and an opportunity to share moments that our siblings may not be able to enjoy.
Donna Jackel writes about caring for her father in
One Daughter's Caregiving Regrets.
"I had no regrets over the life-altering decisions I'd made: Uprooting my dad had been a necessity. We had found him an excellent medical team; Max chose his senior citizen community where the residents looked “happy and relaxed.”
To my surprise, the words not spoken and simple deeds left undone were what filled me with remorse."
To my surprise, the words not spoken and simple deeds left undone were what filled me with remorse."
But she goes on to say: "Regrets, I have a few, but I also have immense satisfaction of knowing I made my dad’s last years good ones. . . .
And to all you past, present and future caregivers, I say: Don’t judge yourself too harshly.
“It’s useful for people to think carefully about what happened,” says [Brian]Carpenter. “[But] it’s water under the bridge and you can’t change things. Use your regrets as a chance to examine your values, your priorities, and put them into action moving forward.”
It's an article worth reading.
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