Survival Guide for Couples Who Are Always Together

In my workshops, people sometimes say that one of the things that concerns them is how to adjust to spending more time with their spouse. During our work lives, we established routines and expectations that may change as we adjust to our new retirement lifestyle. 

I just read a good article by Bonnie Goldstein, who says that "many couples find their rhythms suddenly disrupted and the dynamics of their relationship radically altered when the last child leaves the house — or one of them accepts a buyout or starts working from home. Decades of relating to each other as co-parents or working around career schedules abruptly shifts, and suddenly they fall out of step in their well-rehearsed, tuneless dance. . . . Whatever the reason, when couples go from spending just a few hours together to nearly the entire day, they must improvise a fresh script for act three. They need to establish new boundaries, cultivate a reinvented vocabulary, (and) learn to adjust priorities."

It's a thought-provoking article filled with things to think about, including the following tips for working through conflict.

Sherven and Sniechowski's 9 Steps to Working Through Marital Conflict

1. Define the issue by truthfully expressing what is disturbing you in as much detail as possible.
2. Feel your feelings and communicate them as honestly and openly as you can in the moment.
3. Remember that you care and that ongoing relationships are a mosaic composed of many facets. There’s more to your partner and your relationship than any single issue.
4. Beware of self-sabotage by noticing what’s going on inside you during the rough patches. Don’t allow old negative behavior patterns intrude on the present moment.
5. Be willing to change your mind and acknowledge that any issue can be understood and interpreted in a variety of ways.
6. Take personal responsibility by asking yourself how you’re contributing to an upsetting situation (i.e., it takes two to tangle).
7. Remember that your partner is not you and find ways to empathize with the other’s point of view.
8. Be consciously creative by holding the other in your consciousness as you want to be held.
9. Seek “both/and” solutions that work for both of you two different people.

Plan a retirement that's just right for you!

 Retire to the Life You Design^© guides you through a personal process to design your retirement with a blend of activities that keeps you physically active, mentally challenged, emotionally recharged, and socially engaged. The program will equip you with tools, models, information and resources to help you continue your exploration and discovery after the workshop ends. Through our process and tools, you begin to create a plan to retire to the life that you design yourself, a retirement unique to you.

Back to School for Boomers: Online Learning for a Lifetime

Take a Lesson, a new article on Zoomer.com by Judy Gerstel tells about exciting opportunities for continuing learning. She says:

"Maybe you want to be more in control of your life. Maybe you want to learn about flight vehicle aerodynamics, the challenges of global poverty or even Scandinavian film and television.

If you haven’t already experienced a MOOC — that’s Massive Online Open Course — now is a good time to check them out.

The courses are offered on line at no cost to tens of thousands of people. They’re organized and taught by faculty from first-rate universities, including University of Toronto.

There are two major sites. Coursera.org is an international consortium including Canadian universities.  Edx.org is an initiative of Harvard and M.I.T., with faculty from several first rate American schools.

You can audit a course with no obligation to complete assignments or interact in any way. Or, you can register with a commitment to participate and complete assignments and be rewarded with a certificate of achievement.

And it’s all free."

Check out the links. I'm sure you'll find something of interest - songwriting? social entrepreneurship? global warming? nanotechnology? online games?

It might be fun to do a course with a group of friends to keep you motivated and involved.

Fall Learning Opportunities

We have planned a variety of exciting options this fall as you explore opportunities for growth, satisfaction and service in your retirement.

Saturday, September 20, 2014

Retire to the Life You Design

Pemmican Lodge

9:00 a.m. – 4:00 p.m.

Cost $97.00 includes:

55-page workbook &

Retirement Dimensions™

Please contact me at bcavers@la.shockware.com to register.

·      Friday, September 26, 2014

Foothills Retired Teachers Conference for All Retirees

Nourishment for the Retired Heart, Mind and Body

Red Deer Lake School

High River, Alberta

I will be presenting the keynote address: “Achieving Success in the Second Half of Life”, which will be an overview of the Six Circles of Life.

I will also be doing second presentation entitled: “Your Legacy: How Do You Want to Remembered?” which will explore the many ways you can leave a legacy to your family, friends and community.

If you would like further information on this one-day conference, email me at bcavers@la.shockware.com and I will send you the brochure.

·      Tuesday, September 30, 2014: 7:00-9:30 p.m.

             Introduction to ColourSpectrums^©

             Gem of the West Museum, Coaldale

ColourSpectrums^© provides a way to understand personality styles and human dynamics in an entertaining, interactive workshop format. ColourSpectrums^© is very similar to the Retirement Dimensions^© tool used in the retirement workshops. This workshop provides an opportunity for family, friends and colleagues who are not thinking of retirement to gain insights about their values, needs and strengths.

·      Thursdays, October 9, 16, and 23, 2014: 7:00 p.m. – 9:00 p.m.

Retire to the Life You Design

Coaldale Community Centre

This workshop series, offered through the County of Lethbridge Community Learning Council will present the full workshop in three two-hour sessions.  For more information or to register contact:

Lou at the Community Learning Centre (CLCLC) at 403.345.6009

CHOOSE YOUR OWN DATE:

I am always open to offering retirement workshops that work for your schedule, and am prepared to offer a reduced fee for your workshop registration if you assist in recruiting workshop participants. For example, if you can find five (5) participants, including yourself, I will reduce your fee by 50%.

Sharing the gift of memories

My china cabinet is full - full of things that I love and things that connect me to special people in my life. My son looked at it the other day and sighed . . . .

I decided to take the opportunity to tell him a few stories about some of the things on the shelves that evoked special memories. My 12-year-old granddaughter listened with interest, and I decided that it was time to start sharing the things as well as the stories. She was thrilled to take home her dad's Bunnykins cereal bowl and a ceramic cup that her great-grandmother had made for her dad in 1974. To her, these things were special because she had heard the stories that were a part of them. 

I asked my son if there was anything he would like to have at some time, and it became a running joke for the rest of the weekend. He suggested the fridge and my husband's truck!

5 Best Ways to Lose the Clutter for Keeps

We have a LOT of stuff that we have accumulated over the years. I am working hard at filling a box a week - that's 52 boxes in a year, right?

"We spend the first half of our lives acquiring things, and the second half getting rid of them. 

Sound familiar?"

Suzanne Gerber, in an article on Next Avenue, says:
 
"If your home is overflowing withstuff, you’re not alone. It’s all too easy to accumulate worldly goods. And while many of those things are probably lovely and full of emotional resonance, in the aggregate, they’re cluttering your life physically and energetically. It’s hard to move forward (let alone move) when your home resembles a well-packed self-storage unit.
 
There are all sorts of strategies to clearing out your possessions, ranging from doing it in one fell swoop to hiring a professional organizer to doing it in increments, like getting a big box and one by one, placing in it items you might be willing to part with. All of these approaches can work — once you’ve flipped the mental switch.
 
While that sounds simple, anyone who’s struggled with this understands the psychological and emotional challenges of throwing out, giving away or selling beloved possessions. (And simply reminding ourselves that we “can’t take it with us” doesn’t help.)"

Gerber recounts five stories, that could help you take your first, or next step. The first step might not be as hard as you think!

13 Ways to Live Happier

A recent article in the World Observer Online says that, “without realising it, many of our thought habits get in the way of our happiness and cause us to get stuck into negative patterns of thinking.”

The article suggests that we can rewire our thoughts and minds into allowing ourselves to feel the happiness that we deserve, freeing us to live, love and be happy. When we “liberate ourselves from those thoughts and mental habits that hold us back and hold us down, we will look forward to a better, happier and more positive new us.”

I have provided their list of 13 negative mental habits; I recommend reading the full article to get the rationale for each one. They’re all worth thinking about.

1.       Let go of your complaining


2.       Let go of having to always be right.

3.       Let go of any self defeating ideas
.

4.       Let go of your fears
.

5.       Let go of attachment
.

6.       Let go of making criticism.


7.       Let go of blaming. 


8.       Let go of trying to impress other people
.

9.       Let go of your excuses
.

10.   Let go of trying to always control.


11.   Let go of the past.


12.   Let go of resisting change
.

13.   Let go of living life to other people’s expectations
.

An entire sea of water can’t sink a ship unless it gets inside the ship. Similarly, the negativity of the world can’t put you down unless you allow it to get inside you.

– Goi Nasu