Sharing the gift of memories

My china cabinet is full - full of things that I love and things that connect me to special people in my life. My son looked at it the other day and sighed . . . .

I decided to take the opportunity to tell him a few stories about some of the things on the shelves that evoked special memories. My 12-year-old granddaughter listened with interest, and I decided that it was time to start sharing the things as well as the stories. She was thrilled to take home her dad's Bunnykins cereal bowl and a ceramic cup that her great-grandmother had made for her dad in 1974. To her, these things were special because she had heard the stories that were a part of them. 

I asked my son if there was anything he would like to have at some time, and it became a running joke for the rest of the weekend. He suggested the fridge and my husband's truck!

5 Best Ways to Lose the Clutter for Keeps

We have a LOT of stuff that we have accumulated over the years. I am working hard at filling a box a week - that's 52 boxes in a year, right?

"We spend the first half of our lives acquiring things, and the second half getting rid of them. 

Sound familiar?"

Suzanne Gerber, in an article on Next Avenue, says:
 
"If your home is overflowing withstuff, you’re not alone. It’s all too easy to accumulate worldly goods. And while many of those things are probably lovely and full of emotional resonance, in the aggregate, they’re cluttering your life physically and energetically. It’s hard to move forward (let alone move) when your home resembles a well-packed self-storage unit.
 
There are all sorts of strategies to clearing out your possessions, ranging from doing it in one fell swoop to hiring a professional organizer to doing it in increments, like getting a big box and one by one, placing in it items you might be willing to part with. All of these approaches can work — once you’ve flipped the mental switch.
 
While that sounds simple, anyone who’s struggled with this understands the psychological and emotional challenges of throwing out, giving away or selling beloved possessions. (And simply reminding ourselves that we “can’t take it with us” doesn’t help.)"

Gerber recounts five stories, that could help you take your first, or next step. The first step might not be as hard as you think!

13 Ways to Live Happier

A recent article in the World Observer Online says that, “without realising it, many of our thought habits get in the way of our happiness and cause us to get stuck into negative patterns of thinking.”

The article suggests that we can rewire our thoughts and minds into allowing ourselves to feel the happiness that we deserve, freeing us to live, love and be happy. When we “liberate ourselves from those thoughts and mental habits that hold us back and hold us down, we will look forward to a better, happier and more positive new us.”

I have provided their list of 13 negative mental habits; I recommend reading the full article to get the rationale for each one. They’re all worth thinking about.

1.       Let go of your complaining


2.       Let go of having to always be right.

3.       Let go of any self defeating ideas
.

4.       Let go of your fears
.

5.       Let go of attachment
.

6.       Let go of making criticism.


7.       Let go of blaming. 


8.       Let go of trying to impress other people
.

9.       Let go of your excuses
.

10.   Let go of trying to always control.


11.   Let go of the past.


12.   Let go of resisting change
.

13.   Let go of living life to other people’s expectations
.

An entire sea of water can’t sink a ship unless it gets inside the ship. Similarly, the negativity of the world can’t put you down unless you allow it to get inside you.

– Goi Nasu

The Top Five Regrets of the Dying

After too many years of unfulfilling work, Bronnie Ware began searching for a job with heart. Despite having no formal qualifications or experience, she found herself working in palliative care.

Over the years she spent tending to the needs of those who were dying, Bronnie's life was transformed. Later, she wrote an Internet blog about the most common regrets expressed to her by the people she had cared for. The article, also called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, gained so much momentum that it was read by more than three million people around the globe in its first year. 

On her blog, Bonnie says:

People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them. 

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five: 

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

2. I wish I didn't work so hard. 

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. 

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier. 
Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.


Bonnie's key learnings can be expressed in these five simple guidelines for life. 

Aging Jubilantly

Yesterday I wrote a brief email to CBC Calgary, objecting to the use of the adjective "elderly" to describe a 72 year-old woman whose car had been stolen. I felt the nned to call out the editor whose bias was revealed. I don't think a 72 year-old man would have been called "elderly".

Today I read this column  by Arthur Black today on everythingoomer.com, and liked it so much that I am sharing the whole thing.  It's a great reminder not to take ourselves too seriously.

I am not a coot. Neither am I a geezer, a buzzard, Gramps or Old Timer – and woe betide the wet-behind-the-ears johnny-come-lately who tries to brand me with the repugnant “senior citizen” or worse yet “golden-ager.”

Curmudgeon? Sometimes, for sure. Elder? I suppose, although it sounds a little priggish and high-falutin’ to my ear. To tell you the truth, I don’t much like any of the terms – Zoomer excluded – customarily draped over Those of Us Who Have Attained a Certain Measure of Maturity. Except for one. I think I could handle being labelled a jubilado. It’s pronounced “hoo-bee-LAH- dough” and it’s what Spaniards call their retirees. In English, it means pretty much what it looks like – “jubilant one.”

OH – AND HEADS UP – it’s defiantly sex-specific. Guys are jubilados; girls are jubiladas. Deal with it. And, truly, why not “jubilant ones?” Most of us who get to this age bracket are bedecked and festooned with reasons to celebrate. We are less encumbered than we’ve ever been in our lives. The kids are grown and unleashed. The mortgage, if not paid off, is under control. We wear what we choose, get up when we please and no longer give a fig about rush-hour commutes, layoffs, pro- or de-motions or the emotional ups and downs of the psycho boss in the corner office. We can choose to watch the sunrise or plump the pillow over our head; walk the dog or slurp margaritas in a hammock; spend the afternoon with a good book or catch a baseball game on the tube.

WHAT’S NOT to be jubilant about?

Alas, our society discourages jubilation in its jubilados. We’re treated more like hockey players past their prime. There’s a sense we’ve been put out to pasture, sent home with a gold Timex and a permanent time-out. We’ve done our stretch and nothing further is expected of us. We can sit back, relax and fade into the wallpaper.

Well, screw that. I choose to be a jubilado. I’m going to make noise, dance up a storm, kick up some dust, raise a little hell and generally make some whoopie. Why not? It feels good to be a jubilado.

Anybody can get older. Hell, boulders do that. The trick is to age in style. Some choose to do it by diversion – two weeks in Maui, a few rounds of golf, tickets to see the Jets or Leonard Cohen, a shopping spree through Holt Renfrew or Lululemon – they all make you feel good, if only for a little while. Others turn their focus outward, embracing volunteerism, philanthropy or the simple care and nurturing of friends and family. Still others go out and buy themselves a flamboyant red hat. Aging well doesn’t have to be a 180-degree U-turn. It can be a simple shift in your colour spectrum. Jenny Joseph showed us that when she wrote a hit poem entitled When I Grow Old, I Shall Wear Purple. Take your choice and fill your boots. But do it joyously, jubilantly. And me? You can colour me purple. In a cherry-red Stetson.

ARTHUR BLACK IS THE AUTHOR OF 16 BOOKS OF HUMOUR AND A THREE-TIME WINNER OF THE STEPHEN LEACOCK MEDAL FOR HUMOUR

A Short Guide to a Long Life

Dr. David Agus: Photo by Phil Channing

We boomers are living longer. In fact, one in every 25 will live to 100 and many of us will see age 85 — almost double the average lifespan expected in 1900. As we live longer, how can we be sure we’re living well?
 
That’s the question addressed in a new book, A Short Guide to a Long Life. It hit the New York Times bestseller list just six days after its January debut, likely because the book is an easy-to-follow, invaluable cheat sheet for better health through the decades.

You can read more of this great article at Next Avenue, and learn how smiling, good foot care and more sex can improve your health.

 

The Challenges of Caring for Our Aging Parents

At a recent workshop, one of the participants talked about the challenges of caring for her aging parents. This touched my heart, as I spent ten years supporting one or both of my parents in a longterm care facility.

There are, indeed, huge challenges that face us as our parents age. We help them downsize as they move to a smaller home, provide more assistance with daily tasks, accompany them to medical appointments, and become alert to changes in their mental, emotional and physical health. Sometimes it feels like a huge burden. But other times, it feels like an opportunity to share a part of our parents' life in a new way.

It might help from time to time, to try to think of this time as a gift to our parents, in thanks for all that they did for us throughout our life. It is also a gift from then to us, a gift of a little more time, and an opportunity to share moments that our siblings may not be able to enjoy.

Donna Jackel writes about caring for her father in
One Daughter's Caregiving Regrets.

"I had no regrets over the life-altering decisions I'd made: Uprooting my dad had been a necessity. We had found him an excellent medical team; Max chose his senior citizen community where the residents looked “happy and relaxed.”

To my surprise, the words not spoken and simple deeds left undone were what filled me with remorse."

But she goes on to say: "Regrets, I have a few, but I also have immense satisfaction of knowing I made my dad’s last years good ones. . . .
And to all you past, present and future caregivers, I say: Don’t judge yourself too harshly.

“It’s useful for people to think carefully about what happened,” says [Brian]Carpenter. “[But] it’s water under the bridge and you can’t change things. Use your regrets as a chance to examine your values, your priorities, and put them into action moving forward.”

It's an article worth reading.